I think it’s also worth noting that kids often use a lot of faulty thinking to justify their behavior. So in some cases, it’s a way to achieve a more tangible goal. If they can hurt you, you might feel bad or doubt yourself and give in. Some kids also say hurtful things as a means of trying to get what they want. Nevertheless, causing you to be upset helps them to compensate for their inability to handle the problem they’re facing at the time. Not being able to handle their problems leads your child to feelings of discomfort-and pushing your buttons and getting a strong emotional reaction from you helps to make up for those feelings of discomfort.ĭon’t get me wrong, your child isn’t consciously aware of this in most cases. Kids often spout off hurtful words like these when they have a problem they don’t know how to solve, whether they’re angry, stressed, or dealing with feelings about something bad that happened at school that day. After all, who doesn’t want to feel powerful at least once in a while? This tells your child that they’re powerful-and have power over you-which helps the behavior continue in the future. Taking it personally often leads to a big emotional reaction from you, which reinforces the bad behavior. Let me be clear: it’s very important to understand that these hurtful words your child is using are not about you at all. Most kids don’t, in part because they perceive the world very differently than we do. Here’s the truth: your child probably doesn’t feel like they owe you anything for all the great work you do as a parent. Doesn’t my child understand the sacrifices that I have made for them and that I love them? It’s so easy to take this as a personal attack because when we give up so much for someone, we almost always expect good things from them in return. “Don’t you appreciate all that I have done for you? How dare you speak to me that way!” Parents will naturally think to themselves: These words leave parents feeling a combination of hurt, anger, and resentment. “I can’t wait to get the f- out of this house! I hate it here!” The child you love so much and have sacrificed for in so many ways now hates you. There are few things in the world that hurt a parent more than hearing their child say, “I hate you.” The words cut like a knife.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Details
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |